For centuries the Loch Ness monster has called Scotland home, but if the unknown dragon/dinosaur creature has his or her way, they just might be calling the Emerald city of Seattle home. Seattle immigration lawyer
, Samuel Timmons released a statement early this month announcing the Loch Ness monster’s intention to move.
“I was approached by my client, the Loch Ness monster sometime in March”, read Samuel Timmons at scheduled press conference held at the base of the Space Needle. “They expressed interest in making the United States, and specifically speaking Seattle their home. Puget Sound is not much different than their place of residence in Scotland, and a change of scenery was recommended.”
The press conference which lasted approximately 20 minutes, and in which Samuel Timmons took questions from the press centered around the who, what, where, why and when of why a Scottish legend like the Loch Ness monster would want to move to the United States. It appears as if the Loch Ness monster, who has spent the past 400 years or so, living in Scotland simply just wanted a change of pace, and believes that Seattle was the perfect home.
The Loch Ness monster sought the advice of Samuel Timmons because supernatural or legendary creatures are not currently addressed under the United States’ immigration laws. This makes it extremely difficult for the Loch Ness monster to travel to the country legally, let alone live here in the water of Puget Sound.
“I am prepared to take this case to the Supreme Court if I have to”, explained Samuel Timmons. “Right now, I have hit a wall in terms of legal issues. It appears as if they require a standard test to be taken for people to obtain US citizenship, but unfortunately the classrooms are not large enough to hold the Loch Ness monster, and we are unsure if they’ll survive without water for that many hours.”
If the Loch Ness monster gets the green light to move to Puget Sound, he or she plans to swim around the entire area and find a place that is suitable for living. The Mukilteo area is prime real estate, and the monster has long thought of swimming around looking at the lighthouse.
Scotland’s reaction to the news was less than favorable.
“The United States has everything”, said Scotty McHughes. “Why do they have to take our beloved Nessie! This is an outrage and I hope the US government doesn’t allow it. I want her here where she belongs.”